The Challenge: All-Stars – Episode 5 Recap

Previously on The Challenge: All-Stars, we took a long time to put out the previous recap. We apologize for that delay. Both Madisonkirkpatrick1998 and I had a lot going on over the past two weeks. But nevertheless, we finally got it out and got to talk about Mark winning the lifesaver, Katie getting saved with the lifesaver, and Arissa quitting on the Arena after she got voted in.

For this week’s episode, which actually aired last week, so that’s how far behind we are, we get to see the twists and turns you usually see on contemporary Challenge seasons throw our old school All-Stars for a loop. No gold skulls this time, though. Be thankful for that. So don’t be a lump on a log. Time to jump right into episode 5 of The Challenge: All-Stars!

This episode opens up with the All-Stars returning to the house after Arissa’s expletive-filled withdrawal. The song that they’re playing is Alanis Morrissette’s “Uninvited”, which I never knew until now that it came from the soundtrack to 1998’s City of Angels. For the longest time, I thought this came from a later Alanis album from the 2000’s, which goes against the theme of classics & 90’s songs this show’s been going for. Then I thought it came from the album she put out after Jagged Little Pill. But no. It came from a late 90’s Nicolas Cage movie that also featured “Iris” by The Goo Goo Dolls!

After taking that pause to educate myself, the All-Stars sit down to make heads or tails about what just happened. Beth swore that she never intended to intimidate Arissa in that elimination, despite what host TJ Lavin claimed. In fact, she was looking forward to competing against her. Most of the house agrees that it’s just part of the game. Someone gets a very bad blindside every season. Even in the dirtiest betrayals of the franchise, though, there are some that at least get some form of a heads-up. She was just one of those people that never got a heads-up, and she was one of the very few that reacted to it by quitting.

After that scene, Syrus and Beth have a celebratory hug for surviving at least another round. Syrus talks in his confessional about how he was forced into retirement by the JEK Dynasty on his last Challenge appearance, The Ruins. Since then, he’s not only launched many businesses, but he’s also engaged. If he wins, a majority of that $500,000 will go into his wedding.

If you’re keeping score right now, this is now the longest Jisela’s ever gotten in the Challenge franchise. All 3 of her appearances on the regular show have ended at the fourth round. Her reward for making it this far is getting to gush over Alton climbing a brick beam that’s supporting the balcony with the other guys. Jisela did Gauntlet 2 with Alton, but her memory of him on there was so vague, considering her stay was cut short after running out of vacation hours.

In the next scene, we see the All-Stars suit up for the next daily challenge. They walk over to meet TJ, who tells them that their next challenge is Connect Them All. Basically, it’s a “mini-final”, which has been a staple since Battle of the Exes II. While that first one wasn’t good for chivalry, it was good for the game, because it not only tests where everyone’s heads are at in the midpoint of the game, but it also tests whether they’ll have that stamina needed to run a final. This one will be broken up into three phases. In phase one, three teams of 6 must race to the first puzzle checkpoint. Once that’s done, they’ll carry a big log and race to the next puzzle checkpoint, but then, they’ll have to break up in pairs to do that puzzle. Once that’s completed, they’ll take up one individual, smaller log and run solo all the way to the finish line. The first male to finish will earn immunity from this week’s elimination at the Arena. The last male to finish is automatically going in. However, there’s no longer going to be any lifesaver from here on out, so whoever gets voted in this week is shit out of luck.

The team lineups are as follows: The Copper Team (Medium Easy, Darrell, Mark, Katie, Ruthie, and Aneesa), the Gold Team (Derrick, Nehemiah, Laterrian, Jisela, and the dangerous duo of KellyAnne and Kendal), & the Silver Team (Alton, Syrus, Yes, Jemmye, Beth, and Jonna). Syrus doesn’t like his odds for this mini-final. Not only is he pushing 50 and heavier, but he also revealed he sprained his ankle the other night. Long story short, Syrus is fucked. He still plans to compete today, but he won’t be the “Sy 5.0” he wants to be. Just let us know if you need that walking cane.

TJ sounds the horn, signaling both the start of the mini-final and the cue for Loverboy’s “Working for the Weekend”. The teams arrive at the first checkpoint, revealing that the first puzzle they have to complete is a series of math equations, with each answer corresponding to a letter in a letter key. They have to use that letter to solve a puzzle that reveals a phrase. This is Medium Easy’s first mini-final. The only time he did an actual final was when he dropped fucking dead on The Gauntlet 3. This time, though, he’s better prepared, thanks to one key factor: an obsession for puzzles. His team only gets a few equations solved out before he immediately fills in the board on his own. He doesn’t even need to buy a vowel, let alone do another math equation. He already knows the phrase: “The game never stops.” The puzzle is correct, and the Copper Team runs off to pick up their log. They try to clear their board, so that the others don’t cheat. Yet, little do they realize that not every team has the same puzzle. Each team has a different set of equations that reveal their own phrase that’s given to them. The Gold Team is the next figure out their own phrase they were given, “The past is haunting”, so they’re good to go. The Silver Team, however, gets their phrase wrong on their first try, which sets them even further back in last place. By the time they get it correct on the next attempt, “Your past never dies”, they have a lot of ground to make up. The Copper Team is well ahead, thanks to Mark carrying the front. The Gold Team is not too far behind, but Jisela has to stop to catch her breath. In her confessional, she says that the only thing she knows about running is to go in a zigzag if she’s being chased by an alligator, which she says is a Florida thing. We also have that in Louisiana, so that may come in handy for us at the swamps.

As all three follow the trail with their logs, the show cleverly plays “Follow the Leader” by Eric B. & Rakim. Some of the competitors, such as Jisela, Darrell, and Katie, ask for a break or two along the way. The biggest surprise, though, is Alton, who comes close to collapsing at times. Beth is just wondering why Alton, who’s much younger than her, is leaning on her like she’s his mother.

The Copper Team arrives to the second checkpoint. Now, they have to split up into pairs and recreate a memory puzzle with this pattern of different colors on smaller squares. They basically split up based on their stronger connections. Medium Easy and Katie have no hesitancy in reuniting their Fresh Meat partnership, Mark pairs up with his Battle of the Sexes ally, Ruthie, which leaves the two old-schoolers from Double Agents, Darrell and Aneesa, to work together. The Gold Team arrives in second, and Derrick instantly runs off with KellyAnne. Kendal grabs Laterrian as her partner, and Nehemiah is left with Jisela. By the time the Silver Team finally gets off the ground and arrives at the checkpoint, Yes partners up with Jemmye, and Syrus partners up with his ride-or-die, Beth. This leaves Jonna with the short stick as she has to partner up with Alton. Now, everyone’s on the memory puzzle, trying to memorize the pattern and recreating it while trying not to get distracted by Spin Doctors performing “Little Miss Can’t Be Wrong”.

KellyAnne, Kendal, Derrick, and Laterrian are running down the hill. However, it’s Laterrian who crosses the finish line first, with “Mo Money Mo Problems” serving as the victory track. Derrick finishes closely behind him in second. Kendal finishes third (and first for the females), as Derrick shouts “Road Rules is not dead!” You bet your sweet bippy it ain’t. KellyAnne finishes in fourth, and then the rest follow one at a time, until Syrus/Beth and Medium Easy/Katie are the only ones left at the puzzle. Medium Easy/Katie complete the puzzle first, while Syrus/Beth ultimately time out.

When all is said and done, immunity from this week’s elimination goes to Laterrian. As for Syrus, he’s automatically locked in the Arena, so now, the All-Stars have to go back to the house and vote on which person has to compete against him.