Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch – Series Recap

You know, it’s a miracle to see how much success the Bachelor franchise has had at matchmaking.

Sure, there was a time when their track record was laughed at. In recent years, however, their track record laughed back at us. They’ve actually been able to build their resume with a lot more long-lasting couples. The Bachelor has had Sean and Catherine Guidice maintain their engagement after the final rose, and now they have a steady family life. The Bachelorette has had 4 couples make it to the altar thus far, with a few more still planning out their weddings. Both shows have even found successful couples in unorthodox ways, whether it be switching to the runner-up or jumping over fences just to be with the bronze medalist. Bachelor in Paradise has also proven to be an even bigger contribution to its track record. They’ve added 4 marriages to the list (one of them leading to the first ever Bachelor divorce and revelation that the marriage was a sham), and currently have 8 more ongoing relationships, all from Bachelor/Bachelorette competitors discovering love with each other rather than the main star that rejected them on their season. So all things considered, the Bachelor franchise deserves some respect for improving their list of successful couples. Now, we can look back and laugh at the early days when they couldn’t build their stat sheet like they can today. Then, we can laugh even harder at the copycats that couldn’t even prove themselves to be a reliable matchmaker… like Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch!

Chad “Ochocinco” Johnson was a former NFL superstar. And after the peak of his career came his embarrassing descent into douchebaggery, starting with his own VH1 dating show titled Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch. Even by the standards of 51 Minds, the womanizing displayed on this show is mind-boggling.

So let’s dive right into the biggest dickhole to ever be named Chad Johnson.

Fuck you, Turk182!

Make that the second biggest. This is Ochocinco: The Ultimate Catch!

Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club – Season 1 Recap

And after you hit rock bottom, the only way you can go is to an MTV reality show titled Lindsay Lohan’s Beach Club!

Kid Nation – Series Recap

Go to time out, kids.

In 2007, CBS

Real & Chance: The Legend Hunters – Series Recap (Featuring Turk182 & Gossip Woman)

This was specifically significant, as it was the final reality show starring the Stallionaires before the passing of Ahmed “Real” Givens.

Utopia – Series Recap

We already listed UTOPIA on our Top 10 Worst Reality Shows at #2. But if you want the full analysis of how this became a mad world, we’ll be happy to enlighten you on that.

Are You For Real? – Spring Break Challenge

My name is Turk182 and this is Reality TV Guide, where we came to make everyone feel better about themselves, and welcome back to another installment of “Are You For Real?”

The debate on reality TV is an ongoing argument that consists of one question: is it real or fake? Everyone tries to investigate a reality show and figure out if it really is unscripted or if it’s artificial like a laugh track on Victorious. But every now and then, that question takes on another form. You hear about a reality show from the past, and you have a hard time believing that this show ever existed at one point. In this segment, we take a look at several reality shows that you never heard of at all or probably forgot they really existed. On that note, let’s talk about today’s show: Spring Break Challenge.

On the surface, it looks like some show decided to highlight the horrors of Spring Break and somehow borrow the other part of its name from The Challenge. But when you look at it further, it’s really a show that decided to highlight the horrors of Spring Break and actually turn out to be a one-off shoot from The Challenge franchise. Yeah, there was a time that The Challenge got so pandering that they even did a version of the show at MTV Spring Break, because… allowing the cast of Are You The One? to compete on your show isn’t embarrassing enough.

One of the main indicators that it’s going to be a very bad experiment is that Johnny Bananas turned it down. Yeah, when Johnny Bananas of all people realizes that he’s better than a spring break Challenge and declines a spot on it, you’re already in for a rough experience.

The Real Housewives of D.C. – Series Recap

In 2006, The Real Housewives franchise was founded as Bravo debuted a new show capitalizing on the craze of ABC’s scripted program, Desperate Housewives. The show was titled The Real Housewives of Orange County, and it portrayed itself as the opposite of how my mom interacted with my best friend’s mom, who lived next door to us when I was younger. The Real Housewives of Orange County became a massive hit, and you may not believe it, but it is currently in its ELEVENTH season. The show even got so big that several other Real Housewives spin-offs followed, each residing in places like Atlanta, New Jersey, Beverly Hills, and New York City. And in 2010, at the height of the Real Housewives craze, they decided to make its mark at the nation’s capital, Washington D.C., because…. God Bless the USA?

This was the fifth installment of the Real Housewives franchise, and it documented the personal and professional lives of five women residing in Washington, D.C. It had a lot of things going for it prior to the first episode airing. The Real Housewives was one of many reality show franchises that was ruling its own landscape, and the four installments that came before it have all established pretty massive success and publicity. The one problem is that THE WHITE HOUSE IS NO PLACE FOR REALITY TV! The Real Housewives of D.C. ended up learning that lesson firsthand, and it got canceled after one season, which didn’t even crack 2 million viewers. To this day, it is the only installment in the Real Housewives franchise to not get renewed for a second season, and it is only one of TWO Real Housewives shows to get taken off the air. This show’s cancellation effectively ended the Real Housewives‘ hopes of invading the area of our nation’s capital (for the next 6 years), and it’s easy to see why here.

Let’s report to the situation room and nuke these bad guys to kingdom come! This is The Real Housewives of D.C.!

What Would Ryan Lochte Do? – Series Recap

How can you go wrong with this show? Well, there’s only one way to find out, so let’s dive right into What Would Ryan Lochte Do?

Whodunnit? Series Recap Part 2

Click here to read Part 1

Sarah Palin’s Alaska – Series Recap Part 2

Click here to read Part 1