The Challenge: Total Madness – Season Recap

(Turk182 dials the phone. MTV’s Pizza picks up on the other end of the line.)

MTV’s Pizza: This is MTV’s Pizza. How may I help you today?

Turk182 (disguising his voice as Johnny Bananas): Hi, this is Johnny Bananas.

MTV’s Pizza: Oh, hey, Johnny. Always a pleasure to hear from our #1 customer.

Turk182: What can I say? You’re the only place I can turn to when I’m hungry.

MTV’s Pizza: What would you like to order for today? Are you going to stick with the usual, or do you plan to switch things up?

Turk182: Oh, I’ll order the usual, but I want to try some different things with it.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay, whenever you’re ready, go ahead and tell us what you want.

Turk182: I’ll have the Challenge Deep Dish Shit Pizza.

MTV’s Pizza: Of course.

Turk182: But this time, instead of the large size, I want to go with the XFL size, which is “Extra Fucking Large”.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay, Johnny. I thought you were going to order the XFL revival.

Turk182: I thought about it at first, but I found out that was no longer on the menu.

MTV’s Pizza: Gotcha. So what toppings do you want?

Turk182: First, I want the living quarters to be an underground shelter.

MTV’s Pizza: An underground shelter?

Turk182: Yeah, I’m tired of the nice deluxe houses.

MTV’s Pizza: I only ask because the last time we spent the entire season away from the mansion, it was pretty disasterous.

Turk182: But it was great for me.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay then. But still, an underground shelter? That’s too post-apocalyptic.

Turk182: Well, since the coronavirus going around, it’s not that far-fetched.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay. I get your point. So do you want any Big Brother contestants?

Turk182: Yes, but no Paulie. I need to get another final win in order to squash the talk about my 12-year dynasty coming to an end, and he’s just going to get in my way before I can even start.

MTV’s Pizza: Well, he’s become a reliable ingredient to our pizzas. What should I do?

Turk182: Make up some mental instability excuse that sounds even worse than what he actually is.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay, I think I can get that done for you.

Turk182: Thank you. Oh, and also, leave off his girlfriend Cara Maria and their cult while you’re at it.

MTV’s Pizza: So you also want no Cara Maria? And no Cara’s cult?

Turk182: Yeah, I know she’s also a very essential ingredient, but with the fans so angry at how my last order came out, I need to pander to the masses if I want to win.

MTV’s Pizza: So you want no Paulie, no Cara Maria, and no Cara’s cult?

Turk182: Correct. However, you can keep Ashley and CT on there. I can just scrape them off easily.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay. I got that. So what Big Brother contestants do you want instead?

Turk182: Well, I want this thing to go in my favor, but I do want to make it look at least as believable as possible. Throw a few of the Foutte members from BB20 on there. You know, Swaggy C, Bayleigh, Fessy, and Kaycee. Plus a sprinkle of Josh’s tears on there. And make sure they’re cooked embarrassingly.

MTV’s Pizza: No problem. Anything else you want to add?

Turk182: Yes. I would like to try your Survivor ingredients.

MTV’s Pizza: Wow. I never thought you’d order that. So who do you want? Boston Rob? Joe Anglim? Ozzy Lusth? Malcolm Freberg?

Turk182: Nah. I want that Brillo-head guy from Millennials vs Gen X who dated my current girlfriend that one time.

MTV’s Pizza: Jay Starrett? You want to try that guy?

Turk182: Nah. I just want him on the pizza, so I can just scrape his ass off easily.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay, then. I’ll put that add-on in.

Turk182: Thank you. Oh, and I might as well tell you which enemies I want.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay, when you’re ready.

Turk182: I’ll have a Cory Wharton, a Nelson Thomas, and since I have to win a red skull from elimination in order to get to the final, I want a victory over Wes Bergmann.

MTV’s Pizza: So you want your usual ginger recipe? How do you want that cooked?

Turk182: I actually want him cooked as an ally.

MTV’s Pizza: Ummmmmmmm….. What the fuck? You want Wes to be an ally this time?

Turk182: Yeah, quarantine made me think a lot, so I want to be friends with him.

MTV’s Pizza: That’s… out of the ordinary, but okay. Why do you want a victory over him in elimination though, if you want to be friends with him?

Turk182: For ego-boosting, should our friendship fall apart later on.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay then. Anything else?

Turk182: Yes. I also want half-Dee.

MTV’s Pizza: Half-Dee? She won the last final, and we’re trying to milk the foreign imports as much as possible. How do expect the other half that’s non-Dee to taste?

Turk182: Fake woke, rushed, and full of void in areas where it normally isn’t.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay… then. Is that all the toppings you want?

Turk182: Yes, please.

MTV’s Pizza: Got it. Is there any way you want the entire pizza to be cooked?

Turk182: I want it to be cooked as believable as possible, but since it’s The Challenge, I want to have a little suspicion steaming, like having Melissa knocking over everyone’s tower of barrels except mine in a challenge right before the final.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay. And it also comes with a female winner on the side. Who do you want?

Turk182: Give me Jenny, because… white people.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay, so that a Challenge Deep Dish Shit Pizza, XFL size, cooked as believable as possible (even though it won’t), underground shelter, no Paulie, no Cara Maria, half-Dee, easily removable enemies, a Jay Starrett, some Foutte members, a sprinkle of Josh’s tears, and a victory over Wes Bergmann cooked friendly. Plus a side of Jenny. Is that correct?

Turk182: You got it.

MTV’s Pizza: Sounds good. The total will be $500,000. How would you like to be paid?

Turk182: The usual cardboard check.

MTV’s Pizza: Okay, our deliveryman TJ Lavin will be there with your order momentarily.

Turk182: Thanks again.

MTV’s Pizza: You’re welcome, and thank you for choosing MTV’s Pizza. We hope you enjoy it like you’re the only one that will.

Turk182: Most certainly.

MTV’s Pizza: Thank you. Bye.

Turk182: Buh-bye!

(Turk182 hangs up the phone.)

 

Yeah, that sounds about right. This is Turk182 for Reality TV Guide, where we came to make everyone feel better about themselves.

Big Brother 20 – Episode 36 Recap

Previously on Big Brother, a double eviction finally arrived on day 85. In the first eviction of the night, Haleigh gets the boot, putting her Hive alliance out of its misery once and for all. Then Tyler cemented himself for a no better finish than 2nd place (unless he and Angela are the final 2) after he backdoored Brett before he can take the first shot at him.

LOSER’S CIRCLE – Foutte/The Hive: Big Brother 20’s Bad News Bears

This is the best week that the Foutte/Hive alliance has ever had on this season of Big Brother. Why? They’re all going to be in the Jury House.

Big Brother 20 featured an alliance of houseguests that gained the most popularity of any alliance in recent memory. Interestingly enough, they had two names for the alliance throughout the season: Foutte (during the first 4 weeks) and The Hive (which such since week 5). Whichever name you want to use, both of them are attached to an alliance that could not do anything right, even when they had the opportunity to get it right. Normally, an alliance that fails repeatedly becomes nothing more than a punchline on future discussions. But this alliance’s failures were so outstandingly bad that they are getting inducted into the LOSER’S CIRCLE.

Big Brother 20 – Episode 24 Recap

I hate to go in the gif meme route for this, especially when I have to pull from a subpar source, but… take it, America’s Next Top Model!

YES! YES! YOU JUST MADE ME AGREE WITH TYRA BANKS!

Big Brother 20 – Episode 22 Recap

Previously on Big Brother, this happened.

Big Brother 20 – Episode 18 Recap

When you look at the ongoing battle between the Level 6 alliance and the Foutte alliance, you may notice that there’s a lot more layers to the battle than the one dimension that you get on TV. The Level 6 alliance may have some of the least likable people this season, although their approval rating gets boosted thanks to Sam and JC. Yet, even with that, they still get respect for playing the game with so much intelligence and depth. They don’t have a lot of competition wins combined, but they have strength in strategy and numbers. Then you have the Foutte alliance, and it’s the complete flip side. They have a lot more likable personalities, especially now that Swaggy C and Kaitlyn are out of the picture. However, it’s very sad to see them come up short on strategy. And you can see how it stemmed. When they had Swaggy C, the alliance was under the blind assumption that it would be a piece of cake for them, so they didn’t use a lot of effort. Then after the rug was pulled from under them, they had to start strategizing at such a late time, and they haven’t been able to see their voting plans the whole way through. Even when they did have the power, they got outsmarted in the evictions. However, that does bring me to what they got going for them: competitive nature. They can do very good at HoH and even POV comps, and they have a lot more success in that area than Level 6. The best that they’ve been able to do thus far is to force a cut to the numbers on Level 6, and it’s kind of a blessing for them, even when Level 6 is dictating which member to sacrifice. So while it does look like Foutte’s having a tough time so far in the game, when you put in other factors, it’s more evenly matched. I haven’t seen an alliance war this much back-and-forth since Big Brother 6.

Big Brother 20 – Episode 14 Recap

Big Brother 20 – Episode 1 Recap

You know the drill, folks.