TOP 10 WORST REALITY SHOWS OF 2014

TURK182: This is Reality TV Guide, and we came to make everyone feel better about themselves. I’m Turk182!

XTRA MAN: I’m Xtra Man.

GOSSIP WOMAN: I’m Gossip Woman.

LOUD MOUTH: My name’s Loud Mouth.

POPS ROSS E.: I’m Pops Ross E.

JACK S.: I’m Jack S.

JOE AVERAGE: And I’m Joe Average, the intern.

TURK182: Today, the staff at Reality TV Guide are getting together to talk about the 10 Worst Reality Shows of 2014.

LOUD MOUTH: This was a list that the entire group decided on as a whole.

10. ARE YOU THE ONE? (MTV)

TURK182: This was the first show we covered after our return, and I did the recap on Season 1. As I sat down to watch the first episode, I was horrified by the content on there.

XTRA MAN:

TURK182: The whole challenge felt like that Nelly song, “Hot in Herre”. You know, the worst song ever put out by humanity. Sorry if I’m going off topic, but FUCK THIS SONG!!!!!!!!! IF YOU DARE TO LEAVE THAT SONG PLAYING PAST THE FIRST 3 SECONDS, THEN YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE DECLINE IN AMERICAN CULTURE! EVERY TIME YOU HEAR THAT SONG, BEETHOVEN ROLLS IN HIS GRAVE! FUCK THIS SONG!!!!!!!!!

What were we talking about again? Oh, yeah. You probably won’t find a bigger display of sex-driven debauchery than on this show. As we already said, the romances feel all forced, and not everyone is likely to find their soulmate through that system. That system isn’t even certified to begin with. It just gives MTV an excuse to show the worst of young American behavior. Are You The One? was guaranteed to end up on this list, and here it is at #10. Skip this show and skip that dumbass Nelly song as well. Just try online dating. It’s much healthier.

9. THE CHALLENGE: FREE AGENTS (MTV)

TURK182: We stick around with MTV to bring you the 25th season of The Challenge. I recapped the entire season during The Challenge month, and you know how that went. I felt like I could’ve done more critiquing on the season than just a rant. So in case I didn’t make my statement on it, here it is: This is a rare form of The Challenge that I’ve ever watched. For good seasons of The Challenge, they’re good from start to finish. For bad seasons of The Challenge, they’re bad from start to finish. This was the first season in my opinion where I was impressed with the first few episodes, and then at the midpoint, it all fell apart. It not only became one of the worst seasons of The Challenge, but it also became the catalyst for the revival of Reality TV Guide.

TURK182: Then, when episode 10 aired, I went psycho. It was not only the moment where I got the most angry at watching The Challenge, it was also the moment where I started to miss Reality TV Guide. After it was shut down in 2008, I went to college, earned a degree in Journalism, and worked behind-the-scenes for a local news station. There was a guy named Joe Don that was did segments on Reality TV every week, and I was jealous of him, because he got to voice his opinions on Reality TV shows that didn’t coincide with my opinions, and I was stuck in the position of Camera Operator. I watched episode 10 when it aired, and my head was getting worked up, my blood pressure went up, my emotions were building up so high inside that it was ready to tear itself down. When it came time to do his Reality TV segment that night, he started off talking about Free Agents. At that moment, it felt like a possessed demon entered me, and I went totally fucking nuts. I abandoned my post, chopped Joe Don’s hand off, tied him up, took his detached hand, shaped it to make the middle finger stick up, went on the air and had a 10-minute rant. I’d rather not recite that on here, because even a Reality TV blog needs a little censoring. After that, I resigned from the station, but I couldn’t get a steady job until Reality TV Guide returned.

I’m going to be honest with you all. I’m not a Johnny Bananas fan. I’m not a fan of his gameplay. The closest for me was Rivals 1. And even there, it was a repetitive game that he was playing, but at least he knew the objective of Rivals 1: working with your teammate, whom you can’t stand. He did that with Tyler, and it paid off. And I’m going out on a limb and say that I liked Johnny Bananas on Inferno 3. He was pretty much a young competitor that season, and he was playing alongside some of the classic veterans, so he was following the classic playbook. He was on the Good Guys team, and somehow he was representing that perfectly. He was a voice of reason against CT (he punched another dude on the first night, so you can hate CT all you want at the time) and the alliance of Susie and Cara. Those memories had stuck me because it was the first Challenge I covered on Reality TV Guide, and it’s sad to see Johnny Bananas go from a Good Guy on Inferno 3 to what he is now. To put it more accurately, I hate the Johnny Bananas formula more than I hate Johnny Bananas. And I’ve never seen Johnny Bananas on so much autopilot mode than on Free Agents.

JACK S.: I’ve been a Johnny Bananas fan since Key West, and on The Challenge, I’ve always praised him as a competitor. He wasn’t like a Fresh Meat cast member, where he didn’t have to appear on The Real World first and wound up coasting under a veteran’s wing and went on to an easy Challenge career. He was a first-boot on his first Challenge and went on to better achievements. That’s the most impressive part about his career, and I’ve always enjoyed his scumbag methods. But if you put me in Turk182’s position, I would not be able to defend him on that episode. He got Cara Maria voted into the elimination game. It’s that bad of an episode.

LOUD MOUTH: For me, Johnny Bananas is the Nick Saban of Reality TV. They both won so many times every year that every time we see them, it takes away all the excitement. Now, they’re both winning championships that they don’t need to win. Johnny Bananas already won four Challenges before this season. This was his most desperate game ever played.

TURK182: Even with all of that, this season is too sterile to work. The drama has already been seen before, the rivalries are mean-spirited, and the individual aspects rarely come into play. Free Agents is at #9 on our list of the 10 Worst Reality Shows of 2014. MTV, Johnny Bananas is now the face of this beloved reality show. And be very ashamed of yourselves.

8. LOVE & HIP HOP: HOLLYWOOD (VH1)

Now, we’re going to try not to go into too much detail on what it does wrong, since it’s slated to get covered this January on VH1 month. But we are going to give you some information on what we’re criticizing in a week or two. The show was automatically inserted into our Top 10 Worst Reality Shows of 2014 based on the cast alone. These are some of the most hateful R&B/hip-hop musicians we’ve ever heard: Omarion, his former B2K bandmate Lil’ Fizz, Soulja Boy Tell ‘Em, and Ray J. Sadly, the absence of Chris Brown, Sean Kingston, Nelly, T-Pain, and the Stallionaires are responsible for it not appearing at #1.

7. THE BACHELOR SEASON 18 (ABC)

6. MANZO’D WITH CHILDREN (BRAVO)

Out of all the Real Housewives spinoffs we have seen in 2014, this is the only one that appears on our list at #6. That’s not something they should be proud of, and they aren’t doing themselves any favors using a Married… With Children pun in its title.

5. SLEDNECKS (MTV)

4. RICH KIDS OF BEVERLY HILLS (E!)

3. BIG BROTHER 16 (CBS)

TURK182: At this point, does anyone even care about Big Brother?

LOUD MOUTH: Everyone voices their doubts about how much of Reality TV is authentic, but Big Brother 16 is not Reality TV. It’s not even fake TV. It’s corporate pandering without any soul to it at all.

TURK182: I don’t want to give too much away, because I want to recap this season in 2015, but take this as a warning. Big Brother 16 is the most sterile season ever put together. Every annoyance you’ve complained over the years is all there again, and it doesn’t even add anything unique or likable to the formula. This season of Big Brother lands at #3. Skip this one altogether, and do not, under any circumstances, invite these cast members over to your next tailgate party. I may not sound like a Big Brother fan right now, but there are much better seasons than this.

2. UTOPIA (FOX)

1. I WANNA MARRY “HARRY” (FOX)